Misfit

I take the hint

that I don't belong,

in your ranks

and in your songs

you take your might

with your victory sips

far oblivious to the

hurts and whips

of this discolored world

a missing piece

not missing after all

I rise to friends

and to ignominy I fall

you call me gray

seeing me fall in the fray

but not stopping to weep

I take my tears

and let them run deep

Cold, my off-color melodies,

these meaningless songs

that I sing,

those that were never music

for any scores

for you open my eyes to the truth

an insipid believer, forlorn

turning all the melodies into

a joyous swansong

I'm carried in humility

I'm remembered in haste

I've survived millions

but now I wither away in waste

The blue and green of your eyes

blends with my red

and the world sighs

Intrigued they look,

outwards they go,

longing for questions

the answers not for them to know

In silence I do repent

a born misfit among those embracing trends

smiling gallantly,

riding the chariot of change

hoping to clutch the sands of time

tiding away the beliefs

long held asinine

Memories, you no longer hold

any meanings, withheld or foretold


Quietly the delusions flow
far withdrawn from reality
that you and I live in to know


Up and away the musings go

what am I left with, do you know?

Heat

In my head
there burns a thread
that was left like a shred
far removed, unbred


thoughts, like me, now lie low
deeper and deeper
the blood gushes
but where does it go?


asked to keep quiet
I stand up and fight
lose my faith and gain no respite


the mute is defeated
and the mighty grins
far from sight...


I fail to inspire, I set myself on fire
the embers glow bleak
I turn cold and weep


that within is hurt,
the one outside is curt
flowing from every direction is dirt
and I sit and gather...


I cannot get any sleep
tossing and turning I grip myself in need
where do you keep silence?


all that I see is all that I know
I didn't ask what you didn't show
why then am I impudent and inane?


burning in fear, short on tears
and yet hopelessly pitching for sane
I find no takers, where are my makers?
Busy perhaps hatching the mundane...


Divided in fears, we've hurried the years
and journeys and days,
the memories are really the only rays
I bask in...


And neither death nor old age
their is nothing colder than maddening rage
and I know you think I'm of age
but inside I'm all red too


But really, I'm still fire
I can reach where I aspire
even if it means burning
the very castle I admire...


driven by hunger and desire
burning in the heat
of my very own fire...

Only the ocean and me

I'm just soaking the sun

the last tide did me in

I'm just rolling in wait,

there still some part of you floating in me

the wind may not speak

but like me it longs as it seeks

the breeze doesn't float you away

the remnants of the sand

are in my eyes and in your hands...

the salt just makes it sour

when I inhale the memory today

the silence doesn't seem to cure

the latent answers no longer seem pure

Is my cure out there drifting away?

You don't want, you don't wait

you don't love and you don't hate

and I don't care except that I can't

accept my fate and float on...

Flying in shade, you pour some sun over me

even as I keep sinking under the weight

Drifting from sanity and right through you

  

I write my tales on the sand,

the tender tide shields my hand,

slipping away with water my tears go,

taking away the only memories I used to know

When the stars come out

I'll finally be free

When you call my name

I'll wake up to my destiny...

सर्दी

इस सर्द से मौसम की

अपनी एक मजबूरी है

कुछ जमे से पन्ने में

एक आवाज़ अधूरी है

एक गीत सुहाना था

कहते थे सुनाना था

भूले बिसरे लब्जों में

एक अर्थ अनजाना था

एक शीत की लहर सी

उसमें कुछ हवाएं थी

कुछ राज़ जो गहरे थे

लब पर फिर आये हैं

बिखरे कुछ जो कल थे

वोह आज भी कोरे हैं

अपने जो दो पल थे

यादों में समायें हैं

एक अजीब सी जकड़न है

खुद में जो अड़चन है

सोच पर लेकिन रोक कहाँ

थमी तो बस ये धड़कन है

एक याद पुरानी सी

जान के भी अनजानी सी

कुछ अंगड़ाई लेते पलों को साथ

दे गयी एक कम्पन का एहसास


जगती सी कुछ रातों में
अनकही सी कुछ बातों में
मौसम की इन सौगातों में
तुम ही सी तो ये रस्ते आबाद हैं


अड़े कुछ पलों में
हम खड़े कुछ कलों में
समेटे वो याद जिनमे खो कर
आज भी कुछ यादें हकीकत बन जाती हैं  

कुछ कोरी सी दीवारों पर कल के निशान हैं

जो छुप गयी वो तसवीरें तो नहीं

बचे तो बस कुछ खालीपन के निशान हैं

तुम्हारी बात मान हम अब जल्दी सो जाते हैं

रातों से बाते क्या करें, तारों से छुपते क्या फिरे

बस खुद को खुद से ढूंढ लाते हैं

ज्यादा वक़्त तो नहीं है

बस जम गए कुछ कदम हैं

कुछ चार कदम पर तुम हो

कुछ कल में डूबे हम हैं

कभी फुर्सत में शायद तुम होके आबाद
करोगे उन लम्हों को याद
जिसमे जुड़े थे हम तुम मजबूरी से


सर्दी के मौसम मैं
नमी आँखों में लिए कुछ दूरी से...

चल दिए

एक दिन आया
खुद को पाया


खुद से जो मिले
सब कुछ आया


सब कुछ जो मिला
कुछ भी न मिला


जब कुछ न मिला
खुद को पाया


खुद से मिलकर
कुछ ख़ुशी हुई


कुछ ख़ुशी मिली
ग़म भी आया


ग़मगीन रहे ख़ुशी रूठ गयी
हँसना भूले रोना आया


रोते रोते रात गयी
सुबह उठे नया दिन आया


नए दिन का नया सुरूर था
फिर क्यूँ कल में जीने का फितूर था


जब सोचा तो समझ न आया
फिर रात ढली सपना आया


सपने जो थे अपने जो थे
गिन गिन कर उनको अपनाया


कुछ छूटे थे कुछ टूटे थे
आँखों में थे पर रूठे थे


कुछ खो कर भी कितना कुछ पाया
तुम जो आये, सब कुछ आया 


मंजिल भी मिली रस्ते भी दिखे
उन रास्तों पर खुद का पाया


दिए चल उस डगर पर, छोड़ पीछे अगर मगर, डर
राहों में हमारी तुम जो थे

2011

365 reasons and rhymes held dear

I bid goodbye to you, my favourite year

Love, labour and paradise, all so near

up and down and all around

I tasted some life,

a lasting reason for cheer

Some thoughts and some reservations

you presented me with my aspirations

Some fulfilled promises and some unrequited fears,

dancing to life's dynamic beats

now with a memory held dear 

Some Shakespearean proses and a bit of King Lear,

the never ending conversations and mentations

I longed to hear and feel...

You brought me day and then some light
even when it rained, the sun sparkled bright

Wiser and patient at the cusp of forthcoming delights

cautious not to fumble the saucerful of dreams,

wanting to relive the journey that began

even as I wait for the tide to rise at the seams

To a journey that shall forever unfold

life and times of a scriber digging for gold

the old gives way to the new

as I seek 365 more memories

With a mouthful of sky and a heart burning bright

my best stories I keep for twilight...

शून्य 

एक अधूरी सी कविता

एक टूटा विचार

शब्दों की कैफियत 

एक बदलता संसार

एक खोया समय
एक बिछड़ी घडी
ज़िन्दगी की कसौटी
पे वक़्त के बदलते आसार


कुछ गूंजती आवाजें
खामोशियाँ कुछ
कुछ बहते से आकर


खोयी हुई परछाई 
मैली एक दीवार 
धुन्दला सा सबका प्यार
   
क्यूँ कुछ सुनना है
किस से छुपाया है
और किस तक पहुँचाना है


जो गुप्त है उसपे निशाना है
और जो ज़ाहिर... खैर पुराना है


मेरे तेरे में क्या पराया है?
जो नहीं खोया क्या उसे गवाया है?


ख्यालों से लड़ते तुम पर बिगड़ते 
दुनिया में बढ़ते 
ऐसे क़दमों पर कहाँ था संसार


आँसुओं की भी अपनी रफ़्तार है
जो बहते हैं धुल जाते हैं
नहीं धुलता तोह ये खुरदरा संसार 

खुद से खुद को न कर पाए अलग
तुम से खुद को लेकिन कर दिया जुदा


और अब खुद से कुछ खुद ही अनजाने हैं
पहचाने कुछ चेहरे हैं पर लगते बेगाने हैं 

हकीकत में पड़ती गिरती संभालती  
कुछ पन्नों में ढलती 
एक कविता क्या बनेगी इस जीवन का सार


शून्य से बने हम
शून्य से बना संसार


शून्य बन ढले हम
शून्य जब बना आकार

Heartbeat

There are no breaks to my devotion

that I love you is a lasting emotion

What changes is the flavor of seasons and time

But I'm yours and you're mine

I know the many promises I made

To be by your side is the one I'd never break

And to love you even if I fall apart

Near of far, you're everything that's my heart

Candidly I can say

I'm incomplete and powerless while you're away

I wake through night and wade through the day

the need for you keeps gnawing at me

while I put all else away

I know you love me

I know you do

I wonder if you feel as dead as I do,

lost and incapable, waiting for my turn

to be touched by you, come undone

Blessed are those bitten by desire

lost in daylight with radiance within

wishing and keeping all else away

pushing for greatness with obscurity for keeps

Devotion has no other name

resting in your arms I see all other pleasures turn profane

and dewy eyed I remember all worldly ways

that guide me back towards our sacred race

The clock keeps ticking

the time too passes by

what remains is the reality

that I'm not the me in 'I'

I'm lazy by nature

but hope is my exercise

my heart it pumps on the sole premise

nestled within a dream someday

things will be like they say...

Until then, keep me in your dreams,

I'll keep you in my days

and whenever the glow weakens

I'll look upto your face

Descend dancing in the moonlight

and stay a while, I'll wait my turn

never mind if I wake up

never mind if I don't 

I'm keeping my heart where it'll beat

till I know you've returned...

Saucerful

To the brim and a little tipped over my shoulder for luck

I drink to our todays...

As the light fades, your glow deepens

and intoxication grows

from my eyes to your heart

the silk route and the thread that's

holding ever tender emotion in place

One emotion, one alone

I'm incomplete and you are my own

In a labyrinth of my own device

I run from shadows in which

my old foe loneliness resides...

Bound by ties that run deeper than blood

our love stands testimony to all life,

mortal and beyond

And though I can find you in a million

without a trace

I know with each storm we weather

there long hundreds to join the race

The wind with each storm comes to break my stride

my galloping faith, growing forevermore

with each and every stride

From rustled leaves to nestled oblivion

to every fallen drop of dew

all are but silhouettes of you,

a mere capillary

and the blood that's you...

Drink to me sometime, your sacred cup of salvation

a victory toast to that never ending elation

the forever sensation - love

that gives life meaning...

I thirst for more, even when you leave me humbled like you do

after and before, come on, I can take some more...

People drink for varied reasons, mine is but one

I wish to see no other, when you leave my sight, my sun

I could tell you this intoxication lasts me the day

but at night I struggle when all that's brushed (aside) comes to play

I long for you again, no there is no reprieve...

Insipid believer, oh, whoever said it is a sane virtue...

You couldn't be estranged, you are the one

you could try leaving, and I would be here waiting you return

If love makes one fearless I wouldn't know
I'm a soldier marching on,  I know not what lies ahead
but I'm living yours like I've always done

The inebriated state of my love is your divinity
my big gain...

People may call those in love fools
Ah, intelligence is such despicable gain
Never trying is never knowing
what you missed is what you remained

Take these tales, they are all I have
I'll drink to them with you

I seek not sobriety, I make no tall claims

it remains to be seen if I last, when sanity is all that remains

If I ever come to my senses, I'll think about what I could do
die in this vanity or continue living in you...

 
पास

आँखों की आज भुझ्ती नहीं प्यास
दूर हो तुम और हर एक आस
कह भी दें, जो न कहें
चुप जो रहे,
न होंगे पूरे आज

पास तो है सब कुछ
बस दूरी के उतने ही 
जितने खुद के रहते थे करीब

चलते हुए चुभते कम हैं
जीते  जब तक, तब तक ग़म है
और ग़मों से कुछ हम कुछ तुम पूरे
और कुछ कम है

शामें गयी, पर तू नहीं
बंद आँखों में भी न है वोह यकीन
चुप करके कुछ बता दे आज
कहते कहते तो बोहत बोल गए
मगर सुनते तो आज कहाँ ग़म था ....